So, I am a traitor to my people. Farewell, my faithful PC, it has been a long and beautiful journey.

My family got our first computer when I was five, and I remember it because it made a god awful sound whenever you connected to the internet (not unlike the sound the ATM machine still makes in CVS). 

I got my own computer when I was 10, however it was not hooked up to the internet usually. If I wanted to use the internet, I had to unplug my phone and plug the cord into the computer, which would urrtate my mother because I would spend hours downloading new levels for snood and tentatively searching things like "naked boys" into HOTBOT search box.

When I was in 7th grade, I got the computer that until a few days ago, was the light of my life and fire of my loins. 

And now, fair MalibuComputer made Dell knockoff, we part.

I'm leaving you for someone younger, hipper, and whiter.

Mac.

I never sleep.

So I accidently hit "copy" instead of "scan" on my computer and came out with this picture.

I think it's pretty cool considering it's printed on a financial aid fact sheet.

Anyway, it's summer. I am done with high school forever. There has been a party every night so far. Simone came out and it was really, really great. I missed her a lot. She's doing a lot better and my mom thinks that she'll be ready to come
home by the end of summer.

I'm waking up at six in the morning tomorrow (today?) to drive up to San Francisco for orientation. My computer is on it's very last legs and I find myself actually using my itouch more often to browse the internet. On that note, I can't burn any cds for the drive up and my car ipod player is also fritzing the fuck out. I don't know why I even bother getting nice things anymore.

I WISH I COULD SLEEP. I never sleep and it's just, exaughsting. I'm home early tonight in a lame attempt to sleep that is not working out for me at all because I'm wired.

fuck your red bull.

fuck your house party.

fuck your college.

I just wanna run around and have adventures all day. Speaking of which, view my latest adventure!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jdemarco3/

one of THOSE days.

Well I graduate tomorrow.
I feel so stagnant I'm going insane.
Tomorrow will (hopefully) be fun except the part where they refuse to let you leave until 5 in the morning. I mean honestly. What could we possibly do for eight hours? That's insane.
I don't care that they RENTED OUT THE ROXY (which really makes MHS look like a normal school), or that they hired "masseuses" to come and relax all, or that Mr.Ryan claims it's pretty easy to find a booth to pass out in, I don't want to be trapped in a club for that long. That's insane.
Especially if we're expected to be sober. No one can be that stupid. Honestly.

Instead of hitting up the fairfax movie theater for Silent Movie Wednessday's tonight I went to the senior dinner which was the biggest waste of time ever. It was exactly like lunch. And lunch is the reason I've been sneaking of campus for the last three years.

I can't stand most of those people for any extended period of time.

ON THE PLUS SIDE.
I got a dress and shoes for tomorrow and they look beautiful.
So theres that. If I'm going to be trapped in a hot sticky club (where once I met Jesse Lacey and Kevin Devine hopped over the merch table to give me a kiss!) at least I'm going to look really, really good doing it.

Also I got a new camera today, a Rebel 2000 EOS (meh) and an addition macro fisheye lens that is awesome.

So hallalujah, there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

A facebook album.

FML. By the way if anyone knows me and wants to get me a graduation present get me these. Brian said he would but it's not happening. And I'm dead broke and going to SF next weekend AND I'm not working till the first week of July. So cash is also an awesome "congratulations on getting the fuck out" gift but I would probably just spend it on these anyway.

This is Becoming a Problem

The veil between reality and dreams is slipping.

I can't always tell the difference anymore.

Tonight I was out to dinner with my dad and I asked him when he was opening his restaurant in India.

He looked at me like I was insane.

"What? I'm not opening a restaurant in India."

And I said, "What!? Mom told me you are."

And he was like "Juliet, We're opening a restaurant at the oaks mall...that's the only location we have that's new."

And then I realized...I can't keep track of the actual.

Awesome job Jules.

we exist like this
just below the surface
heavy water, bubbles up
lung pockets bursting like the stars
the crush of cold against the sky
and I will smile.

We could be like this
beyond the haze,
the sinking ship.
but the darkness crawls, and slips
and pink never seemed so terrible
as it does in the dawn.

And the day comes so stale
with the taste of sleep on your tongue
dry, and weeping
for the back of your brain, not quite sleeping
but not awake,
or all the way here
just swimming.

Our gateway, so wet
and the two worlds crash
the jasmine scent of driving fast
and far, far, far away
to some place
that is only you.

Awesome Day

It's been one of those days.
Things went from bad to worse and then worstest.
First, we're watching the wall in W.I and seriously, I can't get into Pink Floyd. I'm sorry. I don't like glam rock (yeah, it is glam rock) and I especialy don't like it for an hour straight every day first thing in the morning.
Then I was just in a bad mood and I think I was probably mean to my friends. So I'm sorry if I was a bitch today.

THEN I cut my finger in chemistry, and Mrs.D yelled at me in front of the whole class when I asked her for a bandaid. I was bleeding on her fucking desk.

"WOW, LETS JUST ALL STOP EVERYTHING WE'RE DOING SO JULIET CAN GET A BANDAID, GO AHEAD JULIET. TAKE YOUR TIME"

I was like, okay psycho whore. Let's not do this, because I NEED HER TO PASS ME so I'm not allowed to yell back, so I was just silent and glared at her until she apologized to me, quietly, in front of no one.

"Sorry I snapped."
GEE YOU THINK?

FFFF.

And then I took the worlds hardest fucking math test ever. What the hell, I left it blank and gave it back to Mr.N and he's like "well, Juliet, just try."

And I'm like wtf. Do you think I didn't try? Like I just voluntarily sat there for a full hour, staring at it because I thought it would be more fun to not do it?
NO thats not how I work. If that was how I worked, I would have been doing zero maths all year.


So I have to no cancel work to study for this god damn chemistry test on thursday which is, by the way, worth TEN PERCENT of our grade. I currently have a 71% with a conditional acceptence to college that says if I get anything lower than a 70 I'm outtttt.

So I have to do well on this test, like...better than a C to maintain my grade.


AWESOME. Really just totally stelar. She's a bitch too, she'd totally fail me. EVEN THOUGH I babysat her daughter for yearssss before she was teacher.


Cool.

It's me and the moon she says!

look at what my friends do.

Darker Now

You ruined me.

Elegantly, and almost without my noticing.

I can’t wait for you to leave,

So you are no longer bearing over me.

With time I will forget the way you smell

The stupid fucking anecdotes you tell.

The thought of you, far underground in a subway car,

Writing poetry in the dark.

Torn Between These Feelings

Come and we will go,
like birds in the night
who huddle in the trees
our bodies all a shiver
in the canopy of leaves.

Come and we will go,
we will go, we will go,
where the north wind blows cold
and you won't have to hold
your own, all alone.

And if there are roads,
be they rotten and old
I can't find the strength within myself, anymore
to put one foot in front of the other
in the mindless absurdity of it all, and so...

I am the bottom of this boat
I will hold you all afloat while you
are drunk and drink the air
beneath the clotting ink of night
regret tugging you out with the tide.

And so it goes, it always
it goes, and this song is old, yeah
I borrowed the notes.
I borrowed the letters from some secret code
to try and show...to show...I don't know.

When did I become so old
my fingers gnarled, scarred and cold
and these eyes blue have drained
the color from your painted face
and far away.

You are not this thing inside of me.
Not my blood, my bones, my skin.
You are an element which exists
completely independent
of me and mine.

You are the weather as it scraped the sea
peeled back the skin of the falling oak tree
the gather of thunder high in the sky
the force of a hurricane,
the heat of july.

you can do as you please
take the fruit out of knowledge
make it rotten, diseased.
but you still shine,
with the same force that dried up the sea.

And so it goes, and it goes, and it goes
I am no revolution
have not broken the mold
I am just passing through
on my way to same old, same old, same old.

The Graduation Count Down.

Do I have to admit now that nothing magic is ever going to happen to me?

Is that the most depressing thing that I've heard in a long time?
Yes.

Is it true?
Probably.

Does the fact that it genuinely upsets me make me a loser? DO I CARE? I am leaving in 70 days.

Look what I did.

Yes. Yes it is real. Yes, I am that fucking rad. If you don't know what it is well, you're missing out.

And no, it is not a triforce. It doesn't look like a triforce, and it is in no way related to a triforce.

Here you go, Juliet.

Here is another blog for you to play with. Have fun!